Thursday, June 18, 2015

Thoughts on Friendship--

I am blessed. I have six closed friends. They are my world and hold me up when I feeling down or lost or just need a good laugh.  I talk to one of these six everyday. Sometimes I talk to all six of them in a day. The problem here—I hardly ever see these women. Three of them live out of state, one has young children and runs her own business to support her children, and one is engaged to the woman of her dreams and they are doing what you do when you are falling in love—they are planning, and one who is 21 and my son’s ex-girlfriend. Many people have thought her and my friendship is inappropriate, but Sid and I have talked about it many times (including in therapy) and he is fine with she and I being close because they are still close (She was who was with him a few weeks ago when he tried to commit suicide and she who called me and told me to rush home.)

I am also blessed to have many  many good and great friends. These are the friends I meet for dinner, and for drinks, and run into at shows and hug and catch up with.  Some of these women belong in The Doo Dah Ladies Swilling Society and I see them once a month when we meet at Kirby’s fort after work drinks. The Doo Dah Ladies are amazing and we come together often to help each other when we can and how we can. These are the ladies who threw my 40th surprise Birthday party a couple of years ago, and made sure to also include a couple of my friends from my closer friends group.

And, I have many acquaintances. Some of these were at one time closer friends, but because of life and moves to other states and growing families, I don’t see these people very often anymore except in passing or on Facebook and Instrgram. When I see them in public, I am always happy to see them though.

Lately, I have been feeling sort of alone. Which is usually not an issue. I spend a lot of time alone and I don’t mind going out alone usually. I spent a weekend in Kansas City alone and had a great time and felt so relaxed when I came back. But, they are times when I want to go to an event with someone. Someone I can make tasteless jokes with and laugh with and share a pitcher of sangria with while chatting about life and love and all those things you do with friends. I realized this when I was wandering around RiverFest a couple of weeks ago. I went to many concerts alone and while I had fun and danced and ate a funnel cake that was delicious, I kept finding that I wish there was someone to dance and eat funnel cake with.

Friendship, like any relationship, is a lot of hard work. I’ve been thinking about how much work it is lately because I have been having a fun time tweeting at one of Sid’s friends on how to socialize because she made a joke about needing a life coach to help her learn this skill (you can follow me on twitter at @panickymuse).

I have heard form others that making friends after 40 is tough and hard to manage and maintain. I’m starting to think this may be the case.  I don’t understand why it is though. Perhaps it is because we spend more time behind screens socailizing through websites, than actual face-to-face socializing anymore. Or, maybe that is just me? I do often turn down invites to go to the gym and spend time writing, but I don’t spend all my time doing those things. Sometimes, I want to go see a movie and company is always nice in a dark theater.  I wanted to go see a production by Shakespeare in the Park, but no one was able to join me and sitting on a blanket in the grass alone is not really fun.

I think this topic is also on my mind because I may be moving out of state to Nashville. I had an interview yesterday for a great position and if I were to be offered and accept this position, Sid and I would be moving soon, and if that job falls through (fingers crossed it does not) Sid and I are looking at the Kansas City area for a possible move since there is more work there for me.

I wonder if I will be able to find new friends. People who can add something to my life and make it interesting? I will be thinking about that tonight as I go to a bar for a drink and to see a band play that I love--alone.